9,000 miles though 20 states, but only 1 jerk

Meet Jeff Norton - Conductor of the Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad and far and away the biggest jerk we ran across in two months of road tripping 9,000 miles through twenty different states. In fact, he was pretty much the only a-hole we met the entire time. Here's why --

Carson and I spent $75 each on round trip tickets from Durango to Silverton on this super cool old steam-train. This is not a cheap ride, it's one of the more expensive one-day activities we planned for the road trip. About a year prior to our trip we had seen pictures of the railroad and the gorgeous landscape it rides through in a magazine and we said to each other "if we end up anywhere near there we have to ride that train!" So, the point is that we were very excited about this day and it was also pretty costly (which translates to: I expect to be well treated by staff, sort of like how I expect good service at an expensive restaurant). So...

The morning of our train trip arrives and of course the wake-up alarm we'd set on Carson's cell phone didn't go off. The phone had died overnight, we were camping outside of town it had been scanning all night for a signal, which had apparently drained the battery. We're running late but we haul off to the train and miraculously arrive just as it's about to roll off. One of the employees on the platform radios the train to hold on for a second so we can jump on, which we do. All of this holds the train up for perhaps 60 seconds, it's rolling as soon as we're on. We were ecstatic about having made it on time!

Since we rushed straight to the train we hadn't had time to stop at the ticket counter, which is basically will-call style, so we didn't have any papers saying we'd paid or where our seat was. We had previously bought tickets online.

Enter Jeff Norton, who approaches us under the guise of checking people's tickets and immediately begins to berate us for not having one. From the first word he says he's incredibly rude and obviously very angry about something.

He says over and over: "You have to give me $75 each in cash right now or show me proof that you paid for your tickets, otherwise I'm going to kick you off at the next refueling station!"
I was pissed off at the way he was treating us, but I played along because I didn't want to cause a scene. I said: "Relax, we're not hobos trying to take the tourist train to Silverton, check the passenger manifest."

Jeff Norton replies, and this is absolutely true, that "there is NO passenger manifest and NO way to verify that we've paid for tickets." Jeff continues to make a scene and berate us, gives Carson and I the impression that we're about to get booted off the train and storms off. It was a very embarrassing scene he created.

10 minutes later we are approached by a nice Assistant Conductor who says: "follow me and I'll check the passenger manifest and show you to your seats." As you can imagine, I am now extremely livid, having discovered that Jeff Norton, the head conductor of the train, has purposely lied to us in order to make us feel bad and so he could berate us. I said to the assistant: "what was the deal with Jeff Norton, he really went crazy on us." The assistant said, "oh, he was just mad that you guys held up the train." At this point I'm super pissed off.

So you might think this was enough of a reason for me to post that Jeff Norton was the biggest d1ck we met on our trip, and that would be true, but actually the story gets better...

Carson and I go to our seats and settle in, but we were both very angry about how we were treated. Sure enough, Norton enters our car 15 or 20 minutes later and stands near the door. I immediately approached him. I absolutely kept my voice low in order to avoid making a scene. I had to let him know how I felt, but without making the other passengers or Norton freak out. I said right to Norton in a low voice: "that was really f*cked up what you did to us earlier, lying about the passenger manifest just to make us feel bad. You're a total d1ck." I then stuck my middle finger up to him and walked back to my seat.

Jeff Norton's response could not have been predicted, nor could it come from a stable person. Frankly, I probably should have already gathered that Jeff Norton was either unstable or had something awful happen to him that morning. Anyway, he totally freaks out and starts yelling. Even after I have long since walked back to my seat he is screaming on and on. Most of it consisted of a few lines over and over, which were: "THAT IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE, I WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU, I DID YOU A FAVOR, YOU'RE GETTING OFF THIS TRAIN AT THE NEXT FUELING STATION, THE POLICE WILL BE THERE TO TAKE YOU BACK TO DURANGO, I'M GOING TO HAVE YOU CHARGED WITH ASSAULT." Repeat.

Now I'm thinking this guy is either about to physically attack me or blow a vein in his forehead. I'm also thinking, holy crap, if that's how Jeff Norton does people favors, I'd hate to see what happens to them when he's goes after them in a bad way!

Norton has now made an a$ of both of us. Passengers are shrinking away from us. Jeff has shouted across the entire train car to another worker to call the police and have them waiting at the next stop. I am convinced that this ride is over and I'm planning to go straight to the train station in Durango to speak with whoever is in charge to 1) get my money back & 2) file a complaint about this lunatic, Norton.

Carson, however, chases after Jeff Norton and tries to smooth things out. She tells him that no crime has taken place, that he was in fact a jerk, but that I shouldn't have been mean to him, etc, etc and can we please stay on the train. I was not present for this.

About 45 minutes later, Norton comes back over to us and, without even looking at me, tells Carson, "his behavior is unacceptable, but I'll let you guys stay anyway." No further explanation is offered.

Look...Jeff Norton is a man, and when a man makes threats and a scene like the one he made then a man will usually follow through with those threats solely in order to maintain his dignity. Often, when a dude makes that much of an a$ of himself, he'll follow through with threats he made even if he later realizes he was wrong. So, to Norton's credit, he obviously realized he was wrong and he let us stay. However, he totally ruined our day in the process so he could "teach us a lesson" or vent at us or whatever. Seriously, either let latecomers on the train and then be nice to them like anyone else, or be a d1ck and just don't stop to let them on. I would've been happy to wait an hour for the next train for f**k sake.

After the trip, I wanted to go speak to whoever was in charge to tell them about what happened and make sure something was in Norton's employee file about the incident, but Carson really just wanted to move on from the whole episode and convinced me to drop it. I agreed to forget it, but pledged to recount the incident on this blog.

So to recap: Jeff Norton got pissed that we held up the train for about 60 seconds, he then lied to us about having a passenger manifest in order to continue to berate us, then after I confronted him about it in an admittedly provocative but very quiet manner, he freaks out and creates an enormous scene like a big baby. What a freak! I have no doubt that he must have done stuff like this before, how could something like that be an isolated incident?

So Jeff, I'm sure either you or one of your kids will Google your name one day and find this post, therefore I feel I should address you directly: I hope you get as pissed off about this public recounting of your actions as I was when you ruined my trip on the Durango & Silverton railroad. Usually I would never admonish someone publicly like this, because frankly, I was involved in this ugliness so it rubs off on me, too. But in your case, I think it's worth it, because you're not only the biggest a-hole I met on my two month road trip, you're the biggest jerk I've met in many many years, and I had been living in New York city, so that's quite an accomplishment! Congrats!

(And by the way, I'll throw this into the mix since you seem to like making threats of a legalish nature -- I'm an attorney, I can assure you that this post and the accompanying photo are in no way any sort of slander or infringement of your right to privacy or right in the use of your image. Everything I've recounted here is true and it all occurred in a place where the public is invited, with the purchase of a ticket of course, and encouraged to take photos. Sorry buddy, reap what you sow.)